Training & competition – an inseparable couple
Some thoughts about the topic "competing"
Not everyone is born as a competitor. Not everyone is made for competition. Not everyone who trains wants to compete.
Some are the best in training, but they will never be good at competitions. Not because their game sucks. But because not everyone can deal with winning and especially not with losing. Not everyone can deal with this exposed and immense mental pressure before and after competition. I think one of the main reasons is, that it often feels like "all eyes on you", even though probably nobody really cares about how you fight – especially if you're not a black belt yet. Nevertheless, it feels like everyone’s watching. It's another kind of exposure. It's another level of showing your real face to the crowd, to strangers.
After winning and especially after losing, emotions often just come up and run through you like a hurricane. These emotions are hard to control and not everyone is insane enough to go through this emotional chaos over and over again – just to chase a very short moment of joy after winning a competition.
I guess I am one of the people who are insane enough.
I can't train without competing. To me, training without competitions feels like cooking without eating and throwing away the cooked food. Horrible feeling. To me, training and competitions go hand in hand. No training without competitions as a main goal and no competitions without training. But I don't judge anyone. Probably I'm just one of the people who like to be insanely insane and spend all their money for living a life as a competitor in a sport which doesn't pay your bills and doesn't bring food on your table.
Anyway, I love the way I feel about this topic. It makes me feel alive and I don't want to have it any other way. Not in a million years. Thanks to my family for all the support and for understanding my point of view. Especially thanks to my dad and my husband for always dealing with my mood swings, seeing me at my lowest and still pushing me closer to my dream as well as supporting me in every decision I make.
I can’t wait to compete again. Let’s hope it’ll be very soon!